The Pancake Eating Robots
Power hungry self-aware Robots led by Dr. Jacksu and Major X have invaded the Pancake's beautiful Kingdom of Sweethaven. It's artificial intelligence, suspense, comedy, and romance as Levi and his four tribes of Pancakes defend their enchanted homeland from the self aware Bots in a post apocalyptic future in the Draco Orion Galaxy.
The Pancake Eating Robots
Late Great Planet Earth: E5 - "5-A Pay Phone, Grand Ferries, and Herd Mentality"
Send the Pancake Eating Robots a message about the show...
Major X's illicit acquisition of a Sweethaven pay phone leads to a comical confrontation with Tootle Pops, who, despite Major X's disdain for discomfort, relentlessly coaches him on the discipline and mindset required to achieve his marathon goals and avoid herd mentality.
ABOUT THE PANCAKE EATING ROBOTS
Concepted, Written, and Produced by Mark Searcy Middleton, 2024
BuzzSprout Podcast Link
Complete list of Program Credits
SOCIAL LINKS
pancakeeatingrobots.com
facebook.com/thepancakeeatingrobots
AUTHOR LINKS
marksearcy.com
facebook.com/marksearcymusic
instagram.com/marksearcymusic
(Coins dropped on Countertop)
MX: Yes! And I have enough Dragon Buckles to spare! I am one Rich robot.
(Coins Deposited, Dialing, and Phone Ring)
TP: Hello?
MX: Helleer? Is this Tootle Pops? The Buttermilk originating from Sweethaven?
TP: Major X?
MX: Your name is Major X? That is my designation you identity thief! How did you obtain it?
TP: No Major X, it’s Tootle Pops silly.
MX: Oh!
TP: How did you get access to the Sweethaven Party line?
MX: Oh - I, ah found a pay phone, so I thought I would try calling you.
TP: Did you steal a pay phone from Sweethaven during your ill-fated invasion?
MX: Absolutely not! I obtained this through ah - Amazon prime. Yes, that’s the ticket, there was a pay phone sale on Amazon Prime. A true story and a most fortuitous investment for me.
TP: You’re lying Major X.
MX: Uhhh. OK. You caught me. I stumbled upon it in the Sleepy Chestnut Forest, so I sequestered it as a strategic asset! So now I can contact you whenever I desire, and we can chit-chat and catchup on the local gossip. I just love a good gossip! Don’t you Tootle Pops?
TP: Swerve around the rat hole Major X. Look, you-are-going-to-return this to Sweethaven. Do you understand me?
MX: Uh…
TP: Oh, never mind, that’s a bad idea. Look - You hang on to it for a bit, and don’t let anything happen to it ok? There’s only one in each village of Sweethaven and a few scattered though out the forest.
MX: Understood Tootle Pops. I shall maintain in pristine condition, using the spit shine polishing technique acquired from the Earthlings themselves.
TP: Don't you dare spit on our Phone Booth, Major X. It's made of Arcanar - a tree that only grows in the Sleepy Chestnut Forest. And they’re guarded by the prestigious Grand Ferries of Arcanar.
MX: The Grand Ferries? (hearty laugh) The Grand Ferries said chuckling….! (more laughing)
TP: I wouldn’t laugh if I were you. If you think our Pancakes are tough, the Grand Ferries are on a whole different level. You don’t want, let me repeat… do-not-want … on their bad side, OK?
MX: Well I assure you my little Tootle Poppies, I’m not intimidated by any organic creature, much less a Ferry! How big are they anyway?
TP: Well, they’re Grand Ferries Major X, so approximately three Earthling feet tall.
MX: Are you serious? You gotta be kidding Tootle Pops! Three feet tall? That’s all. Ooh, I made rhyme. (laughing at self) Are you serious?
TP: Your ignorance is concerning, Major X. You would be unwise to draw attention to a Grand Ferry. And don’t say I didn’t give you a fair warning.
MX: You are hilarious! You mean one little Grand Ferry? (ala Elmer Fudd) ‘Uh Ok, I can’t wait to meet the riddle Grand Ferry! I’m going run, run as fast I can, just rike a riddle gingabread man!’ Oh, The Gingerbread man, I adore some Earthling folklore!
TP: Never mind Major X. Look. Focus. What do you need? My time is valuable. I have places to go, things to do, Pancakes to see and besides, I’m coming for another episode soon anyway.
MX: I’m in need of promotional imagery for my social media platforms. Content documenting my marathon training and debut, and forthcoming crush… of all the Earthling Marathon Records!
TP: Two weeks has elapsed. Have you accomplished a 5-mile run yet?
MX: Regrettably not, atmospheric precipitation has impeded my progress.
TP: What’s that got to do with the price of oats in China, Major X?
MX: I’m afraid I don’t understand Tootle Pops.
TP: It’s an old earthling expression. It’s a retort - to an irrelevant comment, like the one YOU just made.
MX: (crying) I’m so confused. Please expand Tootle Pops.
TP: What’s raining got to do with training Major X? SUCK IT UP! Put on you Big Boy Pants! If you want to do be the best at anything - if you want to grow – if you want to excel - you have to do things that are uncomfortable. Comfort is not your friend Major X. Comfort is thou enemy!
MX: But it’s cold outside, and with the freezing drizzle I could slip or even worse, catch a dreadful nasty cold.
TP: Wheh! Wheh! Wheh! You sound like a human baby Major X! Let me ask you a question. Do you want this, or not? Because it feels like you don’t want it to me. So do you want it or do you not? Answer the question Major X!
MX: Well, I certainly do. No one’s going to beat Major X.
TP: Ok, then you listen to me. First, quit talking about yourself in 3rd person. It’s not cool, and it makes you said like dumb bunny.
MX: Roger that. The X-Man has now been de-programmed from speaking in 3rd person!
TP: (frustrated groan) Second, start doing the work that I tell you to do; no matter how uncomfortable it is. Got it? Say ‘GOT IT’ Major X!
MX: Got it. Message received!
TP: Now Repeat after me… ‘Comfort is not my friend.’
MX: Comfort is not my friend!
TX: ‘Comfort is thou enemy!’
MX: You are one intense little Pancake!
TP: Repeat it Major X! (more intense) ‘Comfort is thou enemy!’
MX: Comfort is thou enemy Tootle Pops!
TP: Third, let's dismiss this notion that making a public spectacle of your goals and training will contribute in any way to actually accomplishing them. Father Time and Mother Reality do not care a single iota if anyone in the Draco Orion knows about your goal or actions toward your goal. They don’t care about your pictures. They don’t care about your videos. They don’t care how many likes, or so-called friends you have. Father Time and Mother Reality only care about absolute Truths, Major X. Not perceptions, not concocted filtrations, nor facades, nor derivatives of the Truth. Do you understand me Major X?
MX: I think so, but I do have one question.
TP: What is it Major X? And it better be a good one.
MX: Regarding training protocols, I have been following a ‘runner’ named Joe Speedster on Robo-Gram, and he suggested…
TP: Stop Major X! Are you a Bovine?
MX: A Bovine?
TP: Yes, a Cow - you back-alley circuit board!
MX: Like Moo-Moo Cow? I am most certainly not scared of Moo-Moos. I’m a Super AI Bot!
TP: Because you’re acting like one, blindly following the herd. Everyone on social media is a self-proclaimed expert but tell me how many of them are in the top 1% of the top 1% of the top 1%. Huh? Answer me that!
MX: Hmm… About 52% I estimate.
TP: Ugh! Wrong Major X, and I’ll give you a hint. The Answer lives right next door to Zero. Because that is the bare minimum requirement to be the best Major X. And let me tell you something else: That tiny elite group isn’t on social media teaching. They’re too busy doing ‘that thing they do’ to be the very best. And the others, living their days in the social media cage, are there because they don’t have the talent, dedication, or simply too scared to play in the jungle with the real Lions, Major X. Am I clear?
MX: Clear as Nitrocellulose, Tootle Pops… though Nitro is quite flammable, not so durable, and subject to yellowing and checking with age, so maybe not the best analogy. Perhaps I should have used Polyurethane instead?
TP: Abort Major X! Control-Alt-Delete yourself! (whispers) Now listen carefully…
MX: Oh no! I can’t hear anyone! I’ve gone deaf!
TP: No you rusted bucket of bolts! Do you hear the rain? (rain gets louder)
MX: Well, it’s pouring down at the moment Tootle Pops! (rain in background)
TP: Good!!! Now go put on your running shoes… and run as far as you can… until you can’t run another step… THEN… turn around - and run back home.
MX: Hmmm. (pondering) My logic circuits are detecting a paradox. I am to run until I can't, and then… continue to run? This is a highly illogical request Tootle Pops.
TP: Yeah, it is, and do you know why?
MX: Uh, I’m going to run that through my new advanced GPT logic algorithm. Standby.
TP: I don’t need a formula you box of rocks. It’s because doing something beyond what you can do or think you can do is when the real growth happens. You’re breaking boundaries that never existed in the first place.
MX: Oh!
TP: And don’t ever question my techniques again if you want my continued coaching!
MX: Roger that!
TP: Now get those running shoes on and hit the road!
MX: But it’s thundering and lightning outside! (more thunder/lightning)
TP: Well, I would keep both feet really high off the ground then.
MX: Hmm. How do I do that?
TP: Run Fast Major X! Really, Really Fast!
MX: Egads! You’re hard-core Tootle Pops!
TP: (super sweet) Oh yes…. I forgot to ask. How did our Chili go over with Mrs. X?
MX: Oh, She absolutely adored it. She wants to have it again for Sunday Dinner! But - she did ask if you could share a desert recipe though? Something about a double Peach Cobbler, topped with homemade French Vanilla Bourbon laced ice cream, and a classic salted caramel creme anglaise nutmeg sauce.
TP: Did she ask for that or is that YOU asking Major X?
MX: Ugh… You got me again. You’re quite perceptive for a little Hotcake.
TP: I’ll make you a deal. Once you run 10 miles, I’ll share my Monster Cookie recipe with you. They are an absolute Rocket Fuel for runners.
MX: Monster cookies sound scary-licious to me Tootle Pops. I just love those vintage Count Chocula, Frankenberry, and Boo!Berry cereals from the early 1970s. They frighten me just talking about them.
TP: (clears throat) Major X!
MX: Never mind. I gotta get going. I’ve got a run in the rain I need to do, my little Biscotti!
TP: I’m a Pancake, not a biscuit Major X.
MX: Oops, Sorry about that. See you on the Battlefield girl. Adios mi amigo!
TP: Mantén tu polvo seco, Mayor X…
MX: My neural language machine translator is hard down.
TP: Keep your Power Dry, Major X!