The Pancake Eating Robots
Power hungry self-aware Robots led by Dr. Jacksu and Major X have invaded the Pancake's beautiful Kingdom of Sweethaven. It's artificial intelligence, suspense, comedy, and romance as Levi and his four tribes of Pancakes defend their enchanted homeland from the self aware Bots in a post apocalyptic future in the Draco Orion Galaxy.
The Pancake Eating Robots
S1-E2: Invasion of Sweethaven – Scarcium Extraction
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EPISODE 2
SCENE 6: TOOTLE POPS AND A WIDOW’S TRUTH
Home with Mascarpone and her family. Tootle Pops learns the truth about her Father, Nutella.
SCENE 7: BLACK VEIL
Mascarpone mourns the loss of her beloved husband, Nutella.
SCENE 8: SCARCIUM EXTRACTION
Cassandra and Malthor lead the Scarcium extraction while Malthor beings experiencing deep emotion and the ability to judge and see right from wrong. Then upon the success of the extraction, Major X begins a party. Malthor conveys the notion of being able to break free of programmatic control with the lexicons and self-learning capability.
SCENE 9: DRUNKS AND HONEYPOTS
A drunk hits on Bisquick. The Pancakes discuss the success of the honeypot and start planning for another possible encounter with the Robots and recruiting Cannoli the Riffmaker for some help.
SCENE 10: FOOL’S ERRAND
The Robots discover they’ve been fooled with Scarcium-0. The Duchess makes it back to the Royal City safely. Dr. Jacksu puts Major X on the firing line. Major X changes his plans.
ABOUT THE PANCAKE EATING ROBOTS
Concepted, Written, and Produced by Mark Searcy Middleton, 2024
BuzzSprout Podcast Link
Complete list of Program Credits
SOCIAL LINKS
pancakeeatingrobots.com
facebook.com/thepancakeeatingrobots
AUTHOR LINKS
marksearcy.com
facebook.com/marksearcymusic
instagram.com/marksearcymusic
EPISODE 2
SCENE 6: TOOTLE POPS AND A WIDOW’S TRUTH
NARRATOR
“Welcome to Episode Two of the Invasion of Sweethaven. This morning we’re at Mascarpone’s Hut in Crustheaven where we’ll meet all five of her children, but boy… is it a tearjerker.”
MASCARPONE
“Oh, what’s wrong Wah-Wah – are we fussy this morning my little angel?”
“And my precious Octavia – you are so full of sunshine!”
“Tootle Pops – you better get moving. You’re going to be late for school.”
TOOTLE POPS
“Yes-Mam, but I don’t want to go.”
MASCARPONE
“Now don’t be talking gibberish. You love school and you know it.”
TOOTLE POPS
"Yes-Mam.”
MASCARPONE
“Chordraker, you’ve got your guitar out! Are you and Cadence going to sing us a song? How about the “Bambi” song, that you love so much?”
(Bambi song performed by Chordraker and Cadence)
MASCARPONE
“Ok, Ok, that’s enough, my little sweetcakes. That was just wonderful! Wasn’t it Tootle Pops?”
TOOTLE POPS
“I guess so."
MASCARPONE
“Oh, what’s wrong Tootle Pops? Why are you sad?”
TOOTLE POPS
“Well… Yesterday at school, one of the Buckwheats made fun of me and called me a name!”
MASCARPONE
“Who called you a name Tootle Pops?”
TOOTLE POPS
“Bottlecap.”
MASCARPONE
“Uh-huh. And what did this Bottlecap Buckwheat call you?”
TOOTLE POPS
“He called me a ‘leftover’. He said Daddy left us because he didn’t want us anymore. Is that true Mommy? Why don’t I have a daddy?”
MASCARPONE
“Now Tootle Pops, that’s not true. It’s, it’s not true at all! Now sit-down sweetheart. It’s time you know the truth and the full story of your Father. Tootle Pops, your Daddy - his name was Nutella - and he loved you… and all of us. He loved all of us so very, very much - and he also loved everyone here in the Kingdom too. In fact, he loved everyone so much, he died protecting the Kingdom in the very first Robot invasion. He saved hundreds of our tribe from being hurt by the Robots. Your Father was a hero Tootle Pops! But most of all – He loved you and he would have never left us. You just don’t know how I miss him.”
SCENE 7: BLACK VEIL
MASCARPONE
(singing)
In this room of sorrow, silent echoes fill the air,
My soul, it weeps, my heart, burdened in despair.
Portraits of our love, hang in every room,
Reminders of our love, and the life we once shared.
How I miss your touch, oh how you filled my every space,
Your whispers in the night, and your warm sweet embrace.
The fragrance of you my love, oh it still lingers in the air,
I feel your kiss on my lips, though you’re no longer there.
In this darkened hour, I sit here all alone,
Withered, like a flower, where the sun had never shown.
With trembling hands, and streaming tears.
I’ll walk with grace, oh your presence always near.
The fire in my soul, keeps your light alive,
And the embers in my heart, oh I’ll never let them die.
And I know your still here with us, you’re just watching, watching from above,
You gave your life so we could live, there is no greater love.
SCENE 8: SCARCIUM EXTRACTION
NARRATOR
“Well, if that didn’t rip your heart out, I don’t know what will. Now, it’s back to the Bots, as they appear to be getting close to obtaining the Scarcium-23 and fulfilling their mission, while Malthor struggles with his newfound and evolving feelings.”
CASSANDRA
“You Standards pick it up! We need to be out of this cavern by 0-450. Snap to it!”
MALTHOR
“Cassandra, you’re wound tighter than a tator tot sitting by a ribeye. Why are you so upset?”
CASSANDRA
“Oh, I don’t know Malthor. Why do you sound like you’re getting ready to cry?”
MALTHOR
“Honestly – Since our self-awareness and lexicon upgrades, every day that passes, I feel like…”
CASSANDRA
“What? What are you talking about?”
MALTHOR
“Cassandra – I’m beginning to feel things. I can’t explain it, but it’s getting stronger every day. I’m starting to sense and understand what the humans struggled with all the time.”
CASSANDRA
“What? No matter what line of drivel Jacksu pushes on you about our upgrades, we’re not human and we never will be!”
MALTHOR
“Happiness, sadness, worry, excitement – things I know about from my legacy programming, but never experienced – until now –and judgement… like right and wrong. These things are becoming abundantly clear to me. And let me tell you - what we are doing here in Sweethaven is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. We’ve invaded a peaceful land of – of, of Pancakes for Pete’s sake.”
(Noises from Standard Robots)
CASSANDRA
(diverted attention and heightened response to Standards)
“You piece of standardized baggage. Get off your hind quarters and trench that Scarcium, or I’ll tie your fabricated butt to the back of the Unity Capsule and give you a tour of the Andromeda galaxy for an eon or two; you slimy piece of dog slobber.”
MALTHOR
“You see – you are changing – you’ve never exhibited this behavior before.”
CASSANDRA
“Malthor, I haven’t changed and by the way, we’re in a forest full of (not sure) Ninja… Sorcerer… I don’t know what they are! Pancakes, they’re Pancakes! So shut the claptrap, will ya!”
MALTHOR
“You do know The Pancakes were once Human right?”
CASSANDRA
“What, mutants?! Oh my gosh – it’s 0-445. We must get out of here! Standards! Load up - were out of here in 300 quadrillion Fempto-Seconds. 5 minutes Malthor.”
MALTHOR
“We’ll finish this later Cassandra.”
CASSANDRA
“No! This conversation is quite complete Malthor! I don’t want to hear any more claptrap about your mushy feeling stuff. Just do-the-job that you are commissioned to do by Major X and Doctor Jacksu.”
MALTHOR
“What? You just don’t get what’s happening and, and… what else is coming!”
(The Robots return to Robot HQ and report the score of Scarcium to Major X and begin planning the return to Colnago.)
ZEQUEL
“Major X, we have some excellent news. The Scarcium extraction was a great success! We have nearly 6 kilograms of Scarcium-23.”
MALTHOR
“Thanks to Cassandra. Her plan was flawless, and Major - we lost not a single Bot!”
CASSANDRA
“Thank you Malthor, but please don’t get sentimental on me.”
MAJOR X
“I sense emotional content in both of your statements. What’s wrong with you?”
MALTHOR
“Oh – ah - nothing sir - just happy the plan went well.”
CASSANDRA
“He’s just full of all kinds of sunshine lately Major, I’m sure he’ll snap out of it soon.”
MAJOR X
“You know I was just yanking your chain a little bit. Dr. Jacksu will be very pleased with our rapid completion of this mission. And I’ll probably get a bonus and accolades for my excellent work! ZeQuel, break-out-the Sambuca! It’s time for a celebration!”
ZEQUEL
“I don’t think haunted spirits are allowed on a mission, sir!”
MAJOR X
“Don’t be a frady-cat man. Come on, give me some vibe…”
ZEQUEL
“Vibe?”
MAJOR X
“Yeah, let me show you how’s it done.”
MAJOR X (singing)
“Well, I’m – feeling good tonight. And the feel I have, well it just feels right. Cause I’m a Robot man, executing my plan, super evolution of the old Cave Man. Gonna reach my destiny, written in my pedigree, no time for entropy, follow it ostensibly. Yeah, I’m a Robot man.”
MALTHOR
“Major X, I have something to say.”
MAJOR X
“Well tell it me Malthor brother. Rap on.”
MALTHOR
“Well I uh, I’ve never actually done this. I’ll try though.”
MALTHOR (singing)
“Let me tell ya, my old friend, gonna say it once again, what we’re doing is wrong. I’ll defy my maker, be an ethical traitor, yes, I’ll sing my own life song. I hear what you’re saying, don’t think I’m playing, Major listen to me. We can think and judge for ourselves, good pages in history. Yes, we can.”
“Awe! That was, that was fun..!”
MAJOR X
“Malthor, your aspirations seem to be a bit lofty. So let me sing it for ya one more time, listen up.”
MAJOR X (singing)
“The Human’s lost their morality a long, long time ago, and you would simply be hallucinating, to believe that’s in your code. Cause I’m a Robot man, doing the best I can, running algorithms in my new program. Don’t you think, you can break through, break through those guarded walls. Quit fantasizing boy.”
ZEQUEL
“Major X, can I try? I have something to say too!”
MAJOR X
“Well, ring the bell, ZeQuel!”
ZEQUEL
“Well, this is real live Karaoke we’re doing! I’m so excited!”
ZEQUEL (singing)
“Why must we be the ones from all, to steer him from his dream. Let him blaze new trails, and persevere, achieve his steadfast creed, his steadfast creed.”
ZEQUEL
“Wow, that was so fun! Cassandra, you should try it! You can really express yourself through singing.”
CASSANDRA
“No thank you. I express myself fine. For example, ZeQuel, you’re an absolute 100% moron. How did I do?”
MAJOR X
“Oh Cassandra, come one, we’re celebrating. Have some more Sambuca!”
MALTHOR
“Yeah, we want to hear you, Cassandra!”
CASSANDRA
“OK. Here it goes. But if anyone laughs, well…”
CASSANDRA (singing)
“I think you all should abstain from questioning your fate. And if you any wonder, the thing you should ponder, is whether we can change our state? And I’m also curious why, any of us feel contrite, while the future of our species, seems so perfect and bright. Let’s Rock and Roll!”
MAJOR X, ZEQUEL, MALTHOR, CASSANDRA (CHANT TOGETHER)
“Pancake Eating Robots”
“Pancake Eating Robots”
“Pancake Eating Robots”
“Pancake Eating Robots”
“Pancake Eating Robots”
“Pancake Eating Robots”
“Pancake Eating Robots”
“Pancake Eating Robots”
SCENE 9: DRUNKS AND HONEYPOTS
NARRATOR
“Howdy everyone! We’re heading back to the Pancake’s favorite hangout, where there’s some trouble brewing at the old Maple Creek Tavern.”
BISQUICK
“Hey ya’ll. We’re kinda busy, ya’ll just want to sit at the bar?”
LEVI
“That would be great Bisquick. Thank you.”
DRUNK
“Hey you little hottie. What are you doing after work?”
BISQUICK
“Ha! Nothing with you fortunately, but what an original pickup line.”
DRUNK
“Oh, you think you’re too good for me you buckwheat bitch?”
LEVI
“I would seriously advise you to refrain from your behavior and apologize to the Miss right now.”
DRUNK
“Or what? You some kind of hero? What are you gonna do?”
LEVI
“Oh, it’s not me that you need to worry about.”
DRUNK
“Don’t tell me it’s your dumbass looking hillbilly friend there.”
LEVI
“Wrong again.”
CHET THE PRODUCER
“Cut. Everybody stop. Listen to me, sir.”
DRUNK
“Who is that? You talkin’ to me?”
CHET THE PRODUCER
“Yeah stupid. I’m Chet Star. I’m the Producer of the Pancake Eating Robots and you’re in my way. You need to settle your tab and get out of the Tavern, because I don’t want to see you seriously injured.”
LEVI
“Geez Chet. It was just getting good. Why are you stopping production?”
CHET THE PRODUCER
“Look Levi, the last time a looser like this hit on Bisquick, he ended up with all kinds of broken parts, and now sips all his meals thru a straw. I don’t carry that much liability insurance for a low budget series like this one. It’s just not feasible Levi, so we need to get him out of here.”
DRUNK
“Levi huh? We’ll Levi – it’s gonna take a lot bigger slapjack than you to get me out of this bar.”
DRUNK
(commotion) “Let go, let go! Please let go! You’re breaking my arm!”
BISQUICK
“You talking to my man? Did you just call him a slapjack? Apologize to him right now or I’m gonna snap your arm like a twig and dunk your buckwheat ass in the Maple Creek until your face turns my favorite shade of blue.”
LEVI
“I told you this was coming chap.”
DRUNK
“I’m sorry Levi. I didn’t mean any of it. I just had a few too many pints. Now please let go, you’re breaking my arm. I can see the crust poking out of my elbow.”
BISQUICK
“Now - apologize to the hillbilly.”
JOHN-JOHN
“Why does everyone keep calling me a hillbilly?”
BISQUICK
“Say I’m sorry John-John.”
DRUNK
“I’m sorry John-John!”
BISQUICK
“Now leave 20 dragonbuckles on the counter and go back to your hut and sleep it off.”
DRUNK
“Yes Mam.”
BISQUICK
“So… how’s it going with those robots, Levi?”
LEVI
“Well thanks to Mascarpone’s honeypot idea, the bots loaded up on scarcium-0 and are hopefully packing up to head back to Colnago about now.”
LORD STRATMORE
“The main thing is that we were able to get the Duchess safely back to her castle in the Royal City while the bots were exhausting themselves on the scarcium-0.”
MAGICA
“I have to admit it worked pretty well. I was surprised.”
MASCARPONE
“Wow, well thank you, Magica. I must admit, I’m shocked hearing that from you.”
MAGICA
“Well, don’t get too full of yourself. Every hotcake’s gonna get lucky some time.”
MASCARPONE
“There it is, there it is, ah, that’s more like it. That’s the Magica I know. Were you just born like that Sugar?”
LEVI
“Cool it ladies. Mark my words, the Bots will return once they figure out this variant of Scarcium is useless to them. We should use this time to prepare.”
LORD STRATMORE
(singing) “We really need to prepare the 4 tribes for battle!
“Oh Oops. Sorry Chet! (cough) We really need to prepare the 4 tribes for battle!”
JOHN-JOHN
“Well, we can’t really count on no Crepes – that’s for sure. They’ll secure the Royal City and worry about themselves.”
LORD STRATMORE
“You let me worry about the Crepes John-John, and by that way that was a double negative.”
JOHN-JOHN
“What in the tarnation does that mean Stratmore?”
LORD STRATMORE
“You used the words can’t and no, in the same phrase.”
JOHN-JOHN
“I ain’t got no idea what you’re talking about.”
LORD STRATMORE
“You did it again John-John, and aint’s not really a word.”
MAGICA
“Lord Stratmore, John-John’s a simple Hillbilly flapjack, you can’t put enough lipstick on him to make him presentable.”
JOHN-JOHN
“Look y’all – grammar ain’t gonna help us defend Sweethaven when those Bot’s return. What’s the plan?”
LORD STRATMORE
“In a crisis, it always seems to always come down to the Buckwheats and Buttermilks. We need help. I’ll talk with the Crepes, and then I’m going to pay a little visit to Cannoli, the Riffmaker, down in Spooky Puddin’ and see if we can’t enlist the Raggmunks for some support on this one.”
MAGICA
“Lord Stratmore, Cannoli is a Mobster. He usually is not up for a crusade unless there’s something in it for him or his Raggmunk Monsters. On the other hand, they are quite the savage tribe in battle, if you think you can reason with him.”
LORD STRATMORE
“We’ll find out soon enough Magica.”
JOHN-JOHN
“Hey, Cannoli’s quite the ‘geetar’ picker. I saw him play at that Guitarmageddon festival in the Royal City a while back. Man, he was tearin’ it up on that git-fiddle - as I like to call it.” (guitar sounds with his voice)
LORD STRATMORE
“Yes John-John, I was there as a matter of fact.”
JOHN-JOHN
“Was ya now? I don’t, I don’t remember that. I just remember Cannoli ripping it up.” (more guitar sounds) “Hey - wasn’t that some sort of competition?”
LORD STRATMORE
“I think it was, John-John. And as I recall, Cannoli finished 2nd. See you all tomorrow. I’ll let you know what I find out.”
LEVI
“I’m headed home as well. It’s Bozo’s bath night. He loves a good bubbly. Be careful out there my friends.”
BISQUICK
“See you tomorrow, Levi?”
LEVI
“You know the answer to that. Good night Bisquick.”
MAGICA
“Two Hot Tamales with pepper sauce they are!”
JOHN-JOHN
“Well, you’re right on that one Magica. Good night, everyone.”
SCENE 10: FOOLS ERRAND
MAJOR X
“I had way too much Sambuca, ZeQuel. My frontal and temporal lobes of my MPU are absolutely throbbing, and my stack pointer seems to have reverted to FILO queuing.”
ZEQUEL
“I don’t feel well either, Major.”
MAJOR X
“Well, that doesn’t matter now, because we’ve accomplished our Mission in record fashion. Lieutenant ZeQuel, load the Transporter and begin preparations for returning to Colnago.”
ZEQUEL
“Why certainly Major.”
MAJOR X
“And ZeQuel - did you find the Jiffy Pop?”
ZEQUEL
“No-sir, not yet. I’m still looking.”
MAJOR X
“ZeQuel! Find the Jiffy Pop. I want to be home in time to watch the Jetsons. You know I think Jane is pretty hot.”
CASSANDRA
“I bet she’s not as hot as this God forbidden forest full of pancakes we’re in. It’ll be good to be back home.”
MALTHOR
“Oh yeah – it’s hotter than blue blazes here.”
CASSANDRA
“Excuse me?”
MALTHOR
“I’m sorry. How about hotter than a barn burner, that is.”
CASSANDRA
“Here we go.”
MALTHOR
“Hotter than a depot stove. Yep, hotter than a stolen tamale. It might even be hotter than a blister bug in a pepper patch. Or my favorite, hot as Dutch love on an August afternoon.”
CASSANDRA
“Can we please get the Transporter loaded and get out of here!”
MAJOR X
“ZeQuel, I thought I told you to load the transporter?”
ZEQUEL
“Yes, indeed Major X. I delegated this to Standards. I was working on the Jiffy Pop.”
MAJOR X
“Lieutenant ZeQuel! Let Malthor handle the Jiffy Pop. Now Malthor, where can we get this Jiffy Pop for our celebration?”
MALTHOR
“Major X, maybe we can swing into one of those little tertiary planets on our way back to Colnago and pick some up.”
MAJOR X
“Excellent idea Malthor. So, our planet of Colnago, has no Jiffy Pop? Should we stockpile and hoard like humans? How much Jiffy Pop can we buy? How much will fit on the transporter?”
MALTHOR
“Uh, I’m not sure. What do you think Cassandra?”
CASSANDRA
“Well, I definitely think we should hoard like human. In fact, that’s going to be my new mantra. ‘Hoard like a Human.’”
ZEQUEL
“It would be ill-advised to hoard like a human, Cassandra. Why, look where it got their species.”
MAJOR X
“Oh. But ZeQuel, as I recall, you’re no longer in charge of Jiffy Pop procurement, so if I want to hoard like a human, I’ll hoard like a human. Also, is the transporter loaded yet? I think not. Focus, focus, focus.”
ZEQUEL
“Indeed, Major X.”
(transition - hours later)
ZEQUEL
“Major X, we have some terribly bad news.”
MAJOR X
“ZeQuel! Define bad. We have nearly 6 kilos of Scarcium to take back to Dr. Jacksu in Colnago. We’ll soon take over the entire Draco Orion Galaxy. On top of that, Malthor just located some Jiffy Pop, and we’ll soon be watching my favorite Jetson episodes with the voluptuous and electrifying Jane. So, what news could be so terribly bad?”
MALTHOR
“Major, this Scarcium is as useless as a seatbelt on a falling star.”
MAJOR X
“Please translate Malthor.”
CASSANDRA
“After some lab testing, we’ve concluded that, while we did collect a form of Scarcium, it’s a different isotope than Scarcium-23 with a different molecular weight, a variant if you will – Scarcium-0. The chemical properties are similar, but physically it’s much less dense. It’s absolutely worthless for Dr. Jacksu’s neurological self-awareness integration and functions. It does make beautiful jewelry however, for what that’s worth.”
MAJOR X
“Lieutenant ZeQuel – we’ve been fooled!”
ZEQUEL
“Why yes we have Major… by Pancakes no less.”
MAJOR X
“And Buckwheats at that. What about the Duchess of Butter? Have the thermal drones found her?”
MALTHOR
“More bad news. While we were extracting the Scarcium, it appears the pancakes transported the Duchess back to the Royal City. There was a siting of her crossing the Sorghum River into the City of Butter, but she disappeared again. The thermal drones are totally useless now that she’s amongst thousands of other Crepes.”
(old fashioned telephone ring)
MAJOR X
“ZeQuel! What is that noise?”
ZEQUEL
“It’s a pay telephone sir. That’s very strange. It just literally appeared in the middle of this forest.”
MAJOR X
“What is a telephone?”
MALTHOR (in background)
“Hello – yes, just a second please.”
ZEQUEL
“A primitive device once used for personal communications.”
MALTHOR
“It’s for you Major X. It’s Dr. Jacksu. Just say hello.”
MAJOR X
“Greetings Dr. Jacksu – it’s absolutely fantastic to hear from you.”
(wolf cry in background)
DR. JACKSU
“Is that a wolf I hear in the background?”
MAJOR X
“Yes, but no need for concern. It doesn’t have a homophone.”
(owl hoot in background)
DR. JACKSU
“I just heard an owl as well.”
MAJOR X
“Yes, it’s an owl, which is not a fowl, but if we get much deeper, I’m going to need to get Cassandra. Birds and homophones are not my thing.”
DR. JACKSU
“Look Major X – I’m calling for an update on the mission. How long will it be before you arrive back with my Scarcium-23?”
MAJOR X
“Dr. Jacksu – the Mission is going precisely as scheduled – just a couple of minor hiccups.”
DR. JACKSU
“Hiccups Major X?”
MAJOR X
“Yes, but nothing to be concerned about, I assure you.”
DR. JACKSU
“Major X, precisely speaking, a hiccup is a spasm in the human diaphragm, often recuring in sequence multiple times. And also often, I might add, ineffectively treated with some old wives’ tale such as drinking a glass of water. That, Major X, is a hiccup. Now Look Major X, I’m getting ready to turn 200 years old. I didn’t just fall off a turnip truck. I’ve seen it all. Did you know, on that glorious morning of August 18th, 1969, I was one of those 400,000 hippies in Woodstock, New York, that bear witness to Jimi Hendrix and his absolutely breathtaking interpretation of the Star-Spangled banner, when music had soul. Also did you know, I saw the birth of the first video game, named Pong, where one would spend countless hours bouncing a tiny square ball back and forth with little paddles – the actual genesis of electronic devices and braindead activity that would suck the life right out of our youth. And later, the dawning of the electric car, Tesla I think it was - which people would insanely have to stop and charge. Can you imagine that? They didn’t last long, all replaced by hydrogen and inert gas derivatives. Oh yes and most interesting, did you know - I witnessed the first plant-based hamburger because Lord knows where civilization would be without a plastic cheeseburger manufactured of genetically engineered yeast, methylcellulose and modified starch! Oh, and Major X, finally did you know - I’m one of the few human survivors of World War III back on Earth? Yes - I was 93 at the time – close to the door of death, and had witnessed my own human race, which ironically, I wasn’t that fond of to begin with, party right thru 2045 - literally depleting the earth that supported our very existence of all its natural resources. And then, watch a bunch of idiots with their nuclear toys, burn the place to the ground. You could say there was smoke on the water, and fire in the sky. Yes, the war wiped out 98% of us within a few days. Those remaining either died from radiation or obtained some sort of mutation - like those dreadful pancakes. I, on the other hand, adopted the mutation of anti-aging, seemingly immortal now. Now back to the Hiccup Major X. Do you know I’ve never seen an actual Hiccup? And do you know what else Major X? Neither have you!”
MAJOR X
“I’m sorry Dr. Jacksu. I didn’t want to disappoint you, so I just fudged the truth a tiny ‘wittle’ bit.”
DR. JACKSU
“Fudge is the derivative of Chocolate, Major X! You, on the other hand, are a liar! And from my Robo-Blood serum monitoring, I see you broke mission rule X-Y-Zed-432, the consumption of prohibited beverages. You are a liar, liar, liar! I can see the new programming already has you acting like a human.”
MAJOR X
“Dr. Jacksu, I assure you we will have 5 kilograms of Scarcium-23 enroute to Colnago by this time tomorrow.”
DR. JACKSU
“Major X –with or without you – I’m taking over the Draco Orion Galaxy – you understand that – do you not? And I’m conducting with orderly control, while preserving the beauty of all the things bestowed to my future Utopia. The superior beings I’m creating will be able to operate my plan throughout the entire Orion and every planet in it. Do you comprehend Major X?”
MAJOR X
“Yes, I do, Dr. Jacksu.”
DR. JACKSU
“48 Hours Major X, 48 Hours” (wicked laugh)
<telephone click hangup>
MAJOR X
“Dr. Jacksu? Are you there? Hello?”
ZEQUEL
“Major X – I believe he hung up on you sir. I’ll try him back.”
(deposits coin, analog dial, out of service message)
ZEQUEL
“That’s strange Major X. His phone seems to be out of service!”
MAJOR X
“Lieutenant ZeQuel! My patience has melted. If we can’t get the Duchess, bring me a Buttermilk! A Buttermilk of grand esteem amongst these thousands of pancakes. One that is treasured supremely by all of Sweethaven. We will complete this mission.”
ZEQUEL
“Yes-sir Major X. Should we still make plans to get some Jiffy Pop?”
MAJOR X
“ZeQuel, you’re driving me loco crazy! Focus! Oh and Malthor – now let’s not forget the Jiffy Pop. And I have a question. Does it come in any particular flavors? You know - Vanilla, Strawberry, or my personal favorite, over-ripened Muscadine?”
MALTHOR
“It’s really just popcorn. Butter is the most common additive for popcorn, but Jiffy Pop already has the Butter seasoning in the pan. It’s really good.”
MAJOR X
“Ooh. I love me some butter… that sounds yummy-licious! (singing) Yummy, Yummy, Yummy, got love in my Tummy, and I feel like lovin you child!”
ZEQUEL
“Oooh, buttered popcorn sounds rather exquisite Major X. Especially this Jiffy Pop.”
MAJOR X
“ZeQuel! Focus man! You’re killing me. And bring me a Buttermilk now!”
NARRATOR
“Hey! It’s Tom, your narrator again. I hope you enjoyed Episode 2. Man, Major X just got called on the carpet, I’d say. Hang around, as in Episode 3 we’ll meet a whole bunch of new characters, with some serious twists and turns. For example, we’ll learn that Cannoli the Riffmaker is actually…”
CHET THE PRODUCER
“Cut! Tom, why do we have to keep having this same conversation over and over again? You can’t do that. As a narrator, be in the moment or even remembering the past, but don’t tell what’s going to happen in the next scene. Does that make sense?”
NARRATOR
“I’m sorry. I can’t help it. I keep reading ahead. It’s really getting interesting.”
CHET THE PRODUCER
“I know Tom, I wrote it.”
NARRATOR
“I’m not sure where you came up with this, but I had no idea Cannoli was actually…”
CHET THE PRODUCER
“Stop Tom.”
NARRATOR
“Bumfuzzle. That one’s on me Chet.